So I know in my last blog post I said that it was one of
two, and that this post would be about happiness studies, but well, I lied. I
am still going to do that post but haven’t had time to look into it as of yet
(shock horror I know). But in my ongoing attempt to avoid actually revising for
my exams (which admittedly do start tomorrow) I decided to do a quick post about
things we should stop trying to justify to other people (as long as we can
justify them to ourselves). There are so many things people seem to think they
need to explain which they really don’t have to. At the end of the day if you
can live with it, that’s all that counts.
No points for guessing what the first point is – relationships with members of the
opposite sex. Or the same sex, or both (individually or simultaneously) if
that’s what you are into. There seems to be a few things that people challenge
about relationships between men and women and I’m going to give this from a
girl’s perspective of course, but I’m sure it’s relatable. I have a lot of good
friends that are boys. In fact most of
my friends that I am really close with are boys. My best friend is a boy. Yes I
love him. He is the most amazing and
beautiful person in the world. But despite this, I do not fancy him. And yes,
when you ask me tomorrow if I fancy him, the answer is still no. And should the
time come that it becomes a yes, I’m sure I will let you know. And the amount
of time I spend trying to explain to people that I have in fact never come into
contact with my best friend’s penis is ridiculous. I shouldn’t have to explain
why this relationship is okay as it is. And no, having lots of friends from the
opposite gender is not an indicator of homosexuality. I’m just not that girly
is all.
I also think that people need to stop feeling the need to
explain their sleeping habits to people. As long as you are happy, safe and not
hurting other people by knowingly bedding their significant others sleep with whoever
you want/ don’t sleep with anyone at all. And do this when you want to. It
really isn’t anyone else’s business. And this might just be my personal
opinion, but if you’ve slept with more than one person, it is irrelevant whether
that number is 3 or 40. It’s just a number. So when you tell me that you have
slept with 45 people, it’s really okay. I will not judge you for it. Similarly
if you are choosing to wait, hats off to you for not giving in to social norms
and doing something that really is on your own terms. The truth is the way
people use their genitals is not their most defining feature strangely enough.
My second point is about social interactions in general, and how it should be more okay to
be anti-social. Some people might like
going out every night and getting wasted whilst others like staying in and
doing puzzles. And then there are probably the remaining 90% of people who lie somewhere
in between these two extremes. I get tired of explaining to people why
sometimes I want to go out, but other nights I really can’t think of anything
worse. And some days, when you ask if I want to hang out and I say no, I
shouldn’t have to have a reason, or feel bad because the answer is simply
no. It might be because I want to stay
home and masturbate. Or it might be because I find you annoying and can’t stand
the idea of your company. Or, and what is more likely the case, I might just be
feeling a bit (or in my case perpetually) anti-social and not want to go out and
have to pretend to be having a good time when all I can think about is how much
I would rather be sitting at home lying on my bed listening to pink floyd.
Alone. Essentially what I’m trying to
say is that I should not be made to feel guilty for doing precisely what I want
when I want, and I shouldn’t have to explain myself to people who can’t see why
I don’t want to be doing what they are. Your idea of a good time isn’t
necessarily the same as mine.
And as much as I object to girls who just wear leggings,
irrelevant of their weight, I think that personal
image is also something that we shouldn’t have to explain. How we chose to
present ourselves is usually a reflection of or personality, what we feel
comfortable with, what we find attractive, how (un)willing we are to dress like
the masses do. And this should just be okay. So if that girl wants to have
green hair and lots of tattoos, so what. Variety is the spice of life, embrace
it, don’t mock what isn’t the same of you just because it’s not what you would choose
for yourself. This also goes for how well people choose to look after their
bodies. If you want to play sport and eat salad and be really thin you go for
it. I think the only time physical appearance, in an anatomical sense, can be
questioned is when it causes serious repercussions for others. Like when
firemen have to demolish the sides of buildings to get obese people to
hospitals. And I only think this then becomes un-okay because it costs lots of
money to welfare systems for issues that could be avoided. That said, I respect
that many issues have strong mental links that aren’t so easy to break, like
addictions. But then in this case I again think openness is a solution, otherwise
how can people ask for help and change this. Feel like I’ve been reading too
much Derrida today, but then again, when was that ever a bad thing?
I can’t even bring myself to talk about my next point other
than to say it’s okay to know, or not know, what you are doing with your life.
And it’s really okay to have your own reasons for this rather than do what other people want you to be doing.
But the biggest thing I think we should stop feeling the
need to explain is how we feel. If you want to explain how you’re feeling,
which I think is often healthy, then do. But there should be no obligation to
explain why we are sad, angry, happy, optimistic or whatever. And why we might
be feeling all of these things at the same time. I especially hate it when people
who I am vaguely friends with act hard done by for not getting all the gory
details about my innermost emotional fluctuations. A lot of the time feelings
aren’t rational or controllable, there might not be any explanation for it, and
in most cases any that I’m willing to share.
This blog post isn’t a call to be self-centred and do what
you want with reckless abandon. Rather a suggestion to do things on your own
terms. And to let other people do things on theirs. I find this way more moral
than doing things because they are largely held to be right by most people.
That’s hegemonic, not ethical.
And as per here is a link to a song, which is a classic, and
reminds me of someone very important. Not my best-boy-friend that I am most
certainly not involved with. And yes, I will be listening to in the comfort of
my own company, cos that’s usually how I like my music:
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