January blues

January is usually an unpleasant month; Christmas is gone, the weather is awful by default and as a student there is inevitably an impossibly large mountain of work to do. Adding this to the overarching guilt of having eaten and drank too much over Christmas and the prospect of the failure of all the resolutions you made at the dawn of the ‘new year’, it can be a pretty bleak time regardless of wider circumstances. But still the world goes on, and shit still happens. A friend of mine just told me she was depressed because she broke up with her boyfriend (ish) who she had been off and on with for some time. While I don’t doubt that she is very sad and I would never try to belittle how emotionally unsettling this is, I know, or at least highly suspect, that she isn’t actually depressed. But as with everything there is a silver lining, and if nothing else her misery has been an inspiration for this blog post. I’ve met a lot of people who are suffering from mental illnesses, many who no one might ever suspect, and I think it’s this kind of closeting that is unhealthy and reproduces the idea that there is something to be ashamed about. So this blog post is going to be the first of two dedicated to the bewildering realm of human emotions and the intangible; this post is a discussion about mental illness and the next will be about happiness studies, because it would be terribly dreary to only focus on the negative side of things after all.

Sometimes it seems hard to talk about mental illness as this is an overarching term used to describe conditions that are intangible, but also due to the varied nature of such conditions; OCD, depression and anxiety to name a few are all encompassed by the term mental illness, yet are remarkably different from one another (though may (and do) occur simultaneously). So when someone is said to be suffering from a mental illness, it’s hard to know what this might mean. But putting that aside, as it alone could constitute an entire post, as an introduction to this topic, I have been doing some research and according to the NHS 1 in 4 people will at some point in their life suffer from a mental health condition. (I prefer the use of condition; it sounds less derogatory than ‘illness’). To put this into perspective, that is more people than suffer from asthma, diabetes, kidney disease, breast cancer and prostate cancer combined (again according to the NHS).  Although this is only at one point in their lives, just think next time you’re with your friends chilling out, one of you is statistically likely to be suffering from a mental condition, or will do at some point.

What I have also discovered is that the number of people suffering from ‘common’ mental health issues and also the number of suicides have both increased since the early 1990s (check out this report for more info http://www.nhsconfed.org/Publications/Documents/Key_facts_mental_health_080911.pdf). While the left-wing geographer in me wants to raise the question about the link between modernity and the increasing prevalence of common mental health conditions, I feel that would be a rather long, but naturally interesting endeavour. Perhaps I will write a post about this another day, but not right now. Given that the number of cases of mental health conditions is increasing (and bearing 1 in 4 in mind), it seems ridiculous that this isn’t a topic that is widely discussed. I feel that morally it is right to try and help people have the most enjoyable life possible and figure that more often than not, mental health conditions lead to some kind of unhappiness. Therefore, morally it is only right to pay more attention to such conditions. And even if you literally don’t care about the well-being of others, mental health issues are a detriment to societal productivity (the World Happiness Report (2013) claims that this is a 6% reduction), which is also illustrated clearly by the graph below:

Bed days = unproductive. What’s more, the age range that are apparantly suffering from being bed bound due to mental health conditions is largely that of working and childbearing age. Given that there is an impending population catastrophy due to already stagnating birthrates, it seems somewhat counterproductive to not attend to the mental health needs of the parents of the generations to come who are going to be funding our retirement. So even if you have no philanthropist in you, perhaps your more self-serving self might agree, mental health issues are not good.

It would take a very long time to go into detail about the variety of mental conditions that are out there, so instead I’m going to focus on depression as it’s probably what I’ve been exposed to the most out of the conditions coming under the mental health umbrella. I think that there is a misconception that being depressed is just being really sad (hence the post-break up depression my friend claims to have), but this condition goes much further than that. There are scales of depression, from more mild conditions to severe cases. And it is not only about harbouring negative emotions, but it also manifests itself in many physical ways. Fortunately, around 50% of cases of severe depression can be treated with a continuous course of anti-depressants, which shows an improved mental state within four months (according to the World Happiness Report in 2013). I think this is a pretty reasonable response rate.

However, I personally disagree with this kind of application of medicine to some extent; giving people pills to make them forget about a dark place inside of them is a very lazy way of dealing with mental health conditions and it ultimately means that a staggering inattention is given to identifying the cause of the depression. While a cause is not always identifiable, that does not mean a dialogue shouldn’t be started. It is this persistent disregard of the need to discuss mental health that reproduces the stigma attached to it. It also doesn’t seem right that someone should have to solely rely on a pill to make them be able to get up in the morning and go about their day, but being a chemically altered (and somehow, less than real) version of themselves. Anti-depressants are also known to have side effects such as extreme tiredness, which, like the original case of depression, renders the patient incapable of going about their day anyway. So mostly all they serve to do is brush the problems under the carpet and reduce society’s responsibility for caring for people suffering from a mental illness. This doesn’t sit right with me.

That is also not even mentioning the 50% of people who the pills don’t help. I don’t know if you’ve ever met anyone who is suffering from an extreme case of depression, and despite medication does not show any signs of improvement, but I have. And it’s not pretty. This is one of the most horrific things to say, but people who are severely depressed often lose their personality entirely and become an organic mass of bodily functions. And nothing else. I can’t imagine how this must feel for the person who it is happening too, and how crippling moments of clarity lead them to the reality of what they’ve become, but I know that it’s not easy for those that love them to take either. I realise this post is becoming unintentionally long, so check out this video for more on depression http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XiCrniLQGYc.

So in an abrupt conclusion, I think it is high time that a discussion is started about all forms of mental health conditions. They are exhausting for everyone involved. Coming back to J.D Salinger (a reference to my earlier blog post – Bis bald Bonn!):

“I can’t be running back and forth forever between grief and high delight”.

Emotional stability shouldn't be overlooked. It’s important, maybe the most important. People who suffer from mental health conditions don’t do it for shits and giggles, it’s a serious problem. There needs to be a de-stigmatisation of mental health issues, and people need to stop thinking about taking the easiest way out and just handing people a prescription and telling them to get on with it. In many cases this might be a useful start, but it’s not the most appropriate solution all the time. I think what it comes down to is a reluctance to deal with the reasons why people aren’t happy, a reluctance to talk about bad experiences and feelings. Which we should definitely start doing. Preferably now. So maybe next time you’re having a bad day you might think about this and it’ll put things into perspective for you. And it might also encourage you to talk to people. When you’re sad and stressed (even if not to an extreme or clinically ill extent) it’s not productive to ignore the issue. 

And as promised, I deliver to you a small piece of musical genius, and hopefully a bit of happiness with it too - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uPy5igZJnVw . For a jollier blog post about happiness studies, stay tuned folks!

Reasons why I am in love with Adam from Girls and what we could all learn from him

I’m having a bit of an insomniac period at the moment and have begun re-watching ‘Girls’, a tv series from HBO. I’m not saying it’s the most ground-breaking programme ever, but I think it has a kind of raw honesty about it at times which I like, and I think it captures the essence of a lot of what people my age might be feeling. It also touches on some important topics like mental health, sexuality and virginity, drugs and growing up (though it is criticised for a narrow spectrum of social inclusion in that all of the cast are pretty much middle/upper class white people). But that doesn't render it to be a bad show. It’s also pretty funny, which is saying something given that I’m not a big fan of comedy.  Even if you haven’t seen the show this is still worth reading in that it might convince you to watch it and you’ll have potentially discovered something new and enjoyable, or at least a way to join the hordes of students currently avoiding revision. And like I say, it’s actually kind of pertinent to growing up and, at least for me, provokes reflection. Anyway, this blog post is about why I think Adam is such a cool character, and more importantly why I think that I might be entirely in love with him. And I think there is a lot people could learn from him. Not just guys. I also just want to apologise for what appears to be a ‘fan girl’ blog post. Never thought of myself as that kind of girl, but then I also realised today that I stopped eating ketchup.  I have no idea when that happened. But back to Adam; in the first scene where he is introduced he comes across as some sort of perverted psychopath – which to some extent he is (which is strangely attractive)  – but throughout the show he becomes a really believable and likeable character. Here’s a list of reasons why he is a great character (and why I want to marry him):

1.       He’s brutally honest, which is a virtuous (and also hilarious) trait, and here are just a few examples:

“I don’t hate your friends. I’m just not interested in anything they have to say”.

“You never ask me anything besides, ‘Does this feel okay,’ or ‘Do you like my skirt,’ ‘How much is your rent?’ You don’t want to know me. You want to come over in the night and have me fuck the dog shit out of you and then leave and write about it in your diary”.

I think these quotes also serve to show how perceptive he is and how he reads people really well. And how he only holds onto relationships that are worth it, which I’m finding is a big part of growing up. There comes a point where you can’t hold onto everyone, which is a stage that everyone reaches (I think), but particularly being on my year abroad, I can’t make the effort with everyone. There are too many people in too many places, and there isn’t enough time. So you have to be selective and choose to hold onto the people who are worth it. And that doesn’t mean talking every day. Maybe just sending the odd postcard here or there to let them know you’re thinking of them and that you’re still alive. It shows you took more time than to message them on Facebook. And besides, it’s a widely accepted fact that EVERYONE likes getting good post.  Adam would probably send good post, I’m almost certain of it.

2.       He fights.

There is nothing more unattractive than someone who isn’t interested in something. I think the best fight he is in is when he meets Hannah at a warehouse party and they decide to go scrapping (like skipping but for metal and wood not food) together and then they get into a fight about what she wants from him, and essentially what he shouts (in the most hilariously cute and angry way) is ‘what do you want, me to be your boyfriend?’. And yes they do end up together, which is sweet. And I think it’s important to fight (constructively) when you really feel strongly about something, and from a mushy girl perspective, a boy fighting for a girl is just unbelievably sweet. It’s the way he lets himself be vulnerable by being open, which links back to his honesty I guess. It’s noble.

3.       I think his attitude towards relationships is healthy and passionate, and in the strangest way he’s a warm person.

For example, he tells Hannah to let go of ‘toxic relationships’ as it doesn’t serve her to carry unnecessary negativity around. But what I find more attractive is his attitude towards love and how he understands and behaves in light of genuinely loving Hannah. One of the most remarkable things that he says about love is that “when you love someone, you don’t have to be nice to them all the time”. I’m not saying that this is a way of justifying being a horrible boyfriend/girlfriend, but I think that it is one of the most fundamental aspects of relationships that people forget. It’s not always about being warm and fluffy and perfect. It’s just about accepting all of the bad that comes with a person because their good is more than worth it, and because above all else the pain of being with them is nothing to that when they aren’t around. I think there is an important message in this that just because something might not be the easiest, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t persevere with it. And that doesn’t count just for relationships, but all aspects of life.

The scene where Hannah is going crazy and cuts her hair off (after a resurfacing of her OCD amongst other emotional stresses) just melts me. He literally runs to her apartment and picks her up. I think all most people want in life, boys and girls, is someone to pick them up and look after them, which means sharing the good times and bad. And that’s why I think people are the most important thing, and why during my semester break I’m taking a tour round some seemingly unnecessary places around Europe, because there are people I can’t wait to see, who I would like to see more of, but even when that isn’t possible, I know they are there (and yes they do send me good post sometimes).

4.       He is physically very attractive. Like ridiculously attractive. The most attractive?

I think all this requires is a photo. I'm not intentionally objectifying the male body here, he just rarely wears clothing (which I'm definitely okay with).

Also worth noting that he is trying to build a boat (so he is like practically as well as intellectually smart). I don’t think I’ve ever seen his hands that closely in any of the scenes, but I bet they are like perfect man hands (girls probably know what I mean by this). It is also sweet that despite being really fit, he still loves Hannah even though she really isn’t; he even says “I’d rather you were healthy and fat”. Definitely not the kind of boy who judges you for sitting around in the evening watching tv and eating chocolate.

5.       Adam is true to himself and doesn’t waste time doing things that aren’t important to him:

“When I broke up with my girlfriend from college — SO sad. I lost 30 pounds, and I couldn’t move or talk or get my dick hard. BUT, it also made me go, “Hey. Who am I and what do I want?” And then I was like BOOM. I know who I am. I wanted to switch majors, and buy a circular saw, and I promised myself that I’d follow my gut, no matter what. And I do what makes me feel good”.

And that’s something everyone can relate to I think.

6.       He calls Hannah kid.

I don’t know why but I find this ridiculously cute. I think it just goes back to the way that he looks after her, its adorable.

I realise I am not the first person to rave about how much of a cool character he is and that other people have definitely written better character exposes about him. But I think these are the main reasons I find him attractive, which are all traits that are genuinely attractive in people, not just guys. I also reckon he wouldn't mind chilling out and listening to music, which I think is important (both music and chilling). I think I'm going to make it a habit to post a link to a song with each blog post because it's what I spend most of my time doing, so here's one for this post: 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jcu1AHaTchM

Mostly, I think Adam (as a character) is designed to make you think about what you want in life, what you do about it, and about what is important in a relationship (even just a friends-based one). I appreciate that. Beats Eastenders anyway.